'Tis the Season

Season's Greetings, friends and followers!

I cannot believe that it's been over 4 weeks since my last blog post... If I were an employed journalist working under deadlines, I'd now be an UNemployed journalist.

I wouldn't qualify it as 'writer's block' because I think about issues, ideas and subjects to write about frequently.

The fact of the matter is, that as a writer I am much more frugal with my words than I am as a speaker - most who know me well would heartily agree, because I'm rarely at a loss for words when it comes to conversation.

OK, I'm ready to write.

As we conclude the first week of December, many of us reflect not only the year that has passed but on our lives: the work we do, our family, friends and loved ones. 

I also spend inordinate amounts of time thinking (and feeling) about  humanity.

Our world is so incredibly complex, and can be perceived as riddled with conflict, corruption, violence, hatred, etc. While those thoughts do cross my mind, I find it so much more helpful to concentrate on the abundance of love, peace, kindness, compassion and charity that flourishes during the holiday season.

On Tuesday evening, my wife, daughter and I attended a local charity dinner for a young man recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We dined on hamburgers, fries and iced tea while Jacob and his family/friends served us. Their 'tips', as well as the dinner tickets, were going towards the unexpected costs associated with treating Jacob's HL.

The local establishment, Jerry Bob's in Rita Ranch, offered their staff, grill, everything to Jake's family. Did they do it for the PR? The tax write-off? 

No. They did it because they love Jacob and his family, because he's a great kid, a great employee - a great human being.

BTW, thank you for hosting "For the Sake of Jake"!

Why did we attend? We could have grabbed dinner anywhere. Heck, I had a hamburger for lunch. Was it to be seen as 'charitable'? Was it the 'right' thing to do? No. We did it because Jacob is a great kid, a great human being. We wanted, in some small way, to help because people helping people is what makes life worth living.

So, why do we sometimes (or always) choose to be blind to the 'humanity' of humans?

Every one of us is someone's child, parent, friend. 

We all need love and compassion to not only function but to thrive.

We have such a short time here.

Our existence and our legacy is determined by our thoughts and  deeds with regard to others - all others.

It's December 8th, 2011.

Please consider:

-saying an extra prayer of thanks, and adding people you know (or don't know) to your prayers.

-smiling and saying hello to those around you, even strangers. You may be the only person who gave them any attention today.

-giving freely of your time, talents and money. Your talent is abundant; time and money can't be taken with you when you're finished here so spend wisely. Imagine if every family in America spent $100 less at the holidays, and donated that $100 to a worthy charity? That's about $1 Billion in case you're curious.

-thinking about Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Jesus or the Dalai Lama BEFORE you say anything critical of others. There's no such thing as being non-judgmental, but there definitely is such a thing as less-judgmental. The world is full of different people and sometimes it's easier to just repeat that mantra and move on.

-expressing gratitude for all that you have, all that you HAD, and all that still awaits you.

If I didn't wake up each day, truly believing that I can help to make this world a better place, there would be nothing left for me to do. 

I could use a little help.

I hope you'll join me.

Happy holidays.

Love and blessings.

Kirk

Occupy Goodness

I cannot believe that I haven't posted in two weeks! My apologies, although my nascent blog only has about three readers, including me.

Whether you want to see it or not, most of the current news cycle is focused on the Occupy Wall Street movement, which has spread throughout the US and into Europe and Israel.

Their mantra is about 1% controlling most of the power and wealth, and that they're part of the 99%. Heck, I'm part of the 99%, but I never condone violence or property damage. They vilify Wall Street and the banking industry.

I for one, despise greed, so I get that part. What I don't get is - what is the goal of their protest?

I think that many of those involved in the "Occupy" movement are seeking purpose. I also think that most of them have their hearts in the right place, but their actions are misaligned.

We need solutions and alternatives, not mad people hurting others and breaking stuff.

I've long espoused that TRUE affluence comes when someone acquires power or wealth as a result of enriching others. Steve Jobs comes to mind as a contemporary example of this.

Why do so many individuals believe that gaining financial wealth or power AT THE EXPENSE of others is success?

Maybe that's why people are protesting - they don't like how things are, but they don't know what else to do.

The economy is a mess. People (including me) are struggling. With that being said, it doesn't excuse us from staying focused on what is truly important.

The first place we can start is by re-defining what success is.

Also, shifting our focus away from what we lack, and towards what we have.

If you have friends and family that love you, relatively good health and a passion and purpose in life, your wealth exceeds many of those in the 1%.

As Dennis Miller used to say, " This is just my opinion. I could be wrong."

I could be right, though.

Blessings, Kirk

Top Ten Directions for Life

Good morning!

I can't believe that I haven't posted since 30 Sept 2011 - time flies when you're having fun... Ironically, the past two weeks have been challenging, specifically with the passing of an old college friend and a classmate of my daughter's. Whenever I lose someone I care for, I choose to think and feel deeply about what is truly important versus what masquerades as such.

With that being said, I thought I'd list my top ten directions for life; it sounded too cliche to call them ten commandments, plus it smacks of narcissism to believe that what I'm listing is comparable to something divine! These aren't proprietary - you've probably heard them before.

They're worth revisiting - I wrote them down over three years ago, and came back across them during some reading and reflection over the weekend. Since I don't claim one as more important than another, I'm using bullet points in lieu of numbers.

Here they are:

-Too much of ANYTHING is rarely good for you.
  (the only exceptions that come to mind are love, laughter and prayer/meditation)

-Honesty is NEVER the wrong choice.

-If you don't have a clear plan for your life, thn someone else will plan it for you.

-Character is measured by our deeds when no one is watching us.

-Prayer should not only be for asking for things.

-Do not make promises that you cannot or will not keep.

-Self concept begins with both the capacity and willingness to be acutely insightful AND brutally honest.

-Prosperity at the expense of others is not prosperity.

-Less words, more deeds.

-Honor is demonstrated by choosing and living well.

Blessings,
Kirk @ LKP

Don't Believe Everything You Read

Hello friends,

I have every reason to be optimistic today: first off, it's Friday and who doesn't get excited about that! Second, I have had a productive week at work (both jobs). In addition, I got the best night's sleep in weeks last night and I'm living with a heightened sense of excitement and possibility!

Unfortunately, many people in the USA and elsewhere aren't feeling the same way as I am today, or any day.

I was reading the most recent media release from the Centers for Disease Control, followed by a USA Today piece reporting that 1 out of 2 Americans will suffer from mental illness.

I encourage you to review the links above. I also encourage you to understand that this is only one way to assess the condition of American mental health today.

The medicalization of mental health (the "mental illness" model) is fraught with shoddy science and half-truths. Unfortunately, it is also buttressed by a multi-billion dollar industry, Big Pharma.

CDC spokesperson Ileana Arias states: "Mental illness is frequently seen as a moral issue or an issue of weakness,". "It is a condition no different from cancer or other chronic diseases. People need to accept the difficulties they are having and avail themselves of the resources that are available."

Dr. Arias, I respectfully disagree - people do NOT need to accept the difficulties, they need to learn how to adequately cope and access the resources within them.

I do not believe that people who are in distress should be judged as weak or immoral/amoral. I do, however, absolutely 100% believe that sound mental health can be attained, and maintained, without a diagnosis of mental illness and pharmaceutical treatment.

I'm not here to debate whether mental illness or addiction is a disease/chemical imbalance.
When someone thinks, feels and acts helpless and hopeless it's quite real to them and to those around them.

I AM here to tell you that I have successfully assisted dozens and dozens of people over the past 16 years - out of the darkness and despair of mental, emotional and addictive disorders.

The three critical components of prevention are:
1) A strong, consistent internal locus of control
2) Total personal responsibility for consequences associated to thoughts, feelings and behaviors
3) A positive self-concept and outlook

#1 is a concept that some struggle with, so I'll offer a concrete example.

A person with an internal locus of control would state "I earned a C- on my last exam. "
A person with an external locus of control would state "He/she gave me a C- on my last exam."

The Santa Ana winds didn't cause your underperformance, your lack of preparation did!

The sooner one gets that, the better chance they have to avoid depression, anxiety or substance abuse. Research shows this.

#2 The 'victimization' in our mental health and addiction treatment systems are the primary cause of our dreadful recidivism rates. The last thing you want to tell someone who has an external locus of control and takes 0% responsibility for their situation is that it's not your fault, it's a disease like cancer. There's no scientific evidence that mental illness or addiction is such a thing. PET scans will show compromised/different brain activity, but causation can't be demonstrated.
Did the depressed state cause the decreased serotonin levels in the frontal lobe, or did the decreased serotonin cause the depression?

If we can reverse the damage of heart disease (a scientifically validated medical illness) through lifestyle and behavior change, can't we do it for mental illness and addiction?

When therapeutic interventions focus on personal responsibility and core issues (what's causing the depression, anxiety or cocaine use), people get better. Don't focus on the depression/anxiety/addiction itself, focus on the CAUSE not the SYMPTOM.

#3 Basically, half of us have a positive self-concept, and half of us don't.
Is it any coincidence that 1 out of 2 Americans are at risk?

The good news is that we can LEARN how to develop an internal locus, we can LEARN how to take personal responsibility and we can LEARN how to shift our self-concept towards positivity.

And, we can do this without shrinks and medication.

If there were only a multi-billion dollar lobby supporting these methods...

I plan to delve much deeper into this issue, but not on the blog.

Thanks for letting me share.

May you always stay optimistic, personally responsible and a belief
that your best days are ahead of you!

Stay above the fray, Kirk

Gratitude

Greetings, readers!
It's been six days since my last post. The delay wasn't attributed to writer's block (thank goodness) - quite the opposite. I was struggling with which theme or topic should I write about next! I am grateful that there's so many things important to me and that I'm passionate about. Which leads me into today's theme - gratitude.

One of my favorite quotations is of Zen Buddhist origin:
“Ultimate GRATITUDE for All Things PAST,               
Ultimate SERVICE for All Things PRESENT,
Ultimate RESPONSIBILITY for All Things FUTURE “

Gratitude is not just a virtue.
Gratitude is MORE than being thankful, grateful or appreciative.
It is also acceptance and understanding.
It is a state of being, feeling, thinking and acting.

When we embody gratitude, we allow ourselves to experience people, places and things more completely, and more positively!

When we "are" gratitude, we take an inventory of all of our gifts and blessings, and divert our focus away from all of the things we don't have or that others have instead of us.

We cannot always choose our circumstances, but we can ALWAYS choose how to think, feel and act with regard to those circumstances.

When we "are" gratitude, we acknowledge that by demonstrating gratitude we receive it back in multitude.

A Personal Story of Gratitude

When I was stricken with Guillain-Barre Syndrome in the fall of 1999, my circumstances were pretty dire. I went from healthy as a horse to paralyzed in the ICU at Tucson Medical Center in about 72 hours. I was blessed with an attending ER physician who just completed a neuro rotation and knew that it was GBS, after ruling out MS by way of a lumbar puncture(!) and testing of my spinal fluid.

It was a challenging journey - I spent about a week and a half in the hospital, followed by months of occupational and physical therapy.

So, how did I embody "gratitude"? How did my circumstance foster "gratitude"?

My employer - my boss, my coworkers, the District office, all gave me the peace of mind and freedom necessary to heal and recover. I missed over two full months of work, plus another two months of working only part time. The second phone call I received in the hospital was our Business DIrector, telling me - "don't worry about anything but getting better". My "gratitude" created opportunities for people I didn't know very well to care about me, and care FOR me.

My mother welcomed her adult, independent son back into her home and did all that she could to help me heal. I am forever grateful to her for her love and support. We spoke of her role in my recovery only weeks before her passing in March, 2010. My "gratitude" permitted me to lower my guard, swallow my pride and accept my mother's role as caregiver - as a 33 year old.

My wife (then fiance) was willing to give up everything, even her career, to spend each day with me - accompanying me to PT or OT, giving me a sponge bath, running out of the hospital for real food, sleeping beside me in those very uncomfortable sleeper chairs. My being in "gratitude" permitted me to fully understand how much she loved me and that I knew that she was without doubt the person I was meant to spend my life with.

I had contracted GBS - I never learned exactly how. My "gratitude" repelled the temptation to ask why! I accepted my circumstances, my physical, mental and emotional challenges and residual damage (chronic pain to this day) that was part of the GBS.
My being in "gratitude" shifted my perspective about persons with disabilities - I had a handicapped plate and used a walker and cane for about 8 weeks post-hospitalization. The facial neuropathy created an appearance similar to a stroke/TIA victim and left me unable to smile or blink my eyes well. I had people move out of my way, stare, whisper and even yell or speak slowly to me. I politely replied back to them "I'm not deaf, nor am I delayed!".

My "gratitude" allowed me to acknowledge and experience the privilege of being 'temporarily handicapped' and gave me an improved understanding of those with physical, mental or cognitive challenges.

There were many others who "stepped up" when adversity struck, and they are not forgotten but stricken from the story for brevity's sake. The important thing is that my "story" could have been quite different if those circumstances were confronted without gratitude...

I encourage each of you to start (or continue) your journey towards gratitude by being grateful, thankful and appreciative. There is NOTHING wrong with that!
When we shift, the easiset place to start is with our behavior. When we act with gratitude, we will begin to think and feel in gratitude. Eventually, we wil become "gratitude" on occasion and with practice and purposefulness, we can become "gratitude" consistently.

Gratitude helps us to see the good all around us, it allows us to take responsibility for what we're doing to make our world and the lives of all around us fuller. This in turn, makes our lives more full and rich!

Gratitude permits us to define the challenges behind us, as well as accept the lessons of those challenges that lie ahead.

Be well.
K-

The Power of Perspective

In my life and in my work, I pay attention to many things that define us as humans - our affect, our posture, our language, just to name a few. But, the global component, the "core" of what we think, feel and do, is influenced by our perspective.

When I can afford (both time and money) to return to school for my doctorate, I would choose  perspective, resiliency or addiction as the subject of my dissertation.

The million dollar question is, "Why does one choose a negative perspective?"

There was a man, "James" who travelled across the Golden Gate Bridge frequently for business. Through his many travels, he managed to get friendly with a few of the toll workers. "Pete" was always smiling, greeting people, standing tall, and wishing people a good day. "Nate" was usually laconic or frowning, slouched in his stool, rarely looking up at his customers. On a good day, he'd shrug his shoulders or faintly grin when greeted or spoken to.

James was fascinated at the dichotomy, so he took the liberty to ask Pete and Nate about their jobs.
James was eastbound and chose lane 9, Pete's usual place. James greeted Pete and said, "So, Pete, tell me about what you do here?" Pete looked at James, smiled broadly and said, "Every day, I get to say hello to hundreds of people, some familiar and some brand new. I learn about why they're coming to San Francisco and what they like or dislike about it. The absolute best part of my job is that I have one of the most majestic views in the whole world right in front of me."

The next day, James pulled into lane 6, Nate's regular spot, and pulled forward to pay his fare. James posed the same question to Nate as he had to Pete the day prior. Nate sat back on his stool, put his hand on his chin and replied, " for the past 10 years, I've inhaled auto exhaust, dealt with rude drivers, made small talk and hurriedly handed out change to thousands of strangers, while stuck inside a box that's four feet across, four feet wide and eight feet tall."

A tollworker's job description and the duties attributed to it would be the same for Pete, Nate or any other employee. It's not hard to decipher which one enjoys what he does, or who may enjoy their lives more, based on their replies.

What's strikingly sad about Nate's story is that many people process external stimuli and information and then filter it from a negative (pessimistic) worldview. They then think, feel and act accordingly.

Pete, like all human beings, takes in stimuli from around him, processes it, filters it and then thinks, feels and acts according to his worldview.

It's the SAME process.

The point I'm trying to make is that we CHOOSE how to evaluate what occurs in our lives.

Not only can we re-train ourselves to shift from negative to positive, here and now but we can actually re-create how we perceive what's happened to us in the past.

We can't change the events, but we most certainly can alter how we interpret those events.

If you've seen "What the Bleep Do We Know" (http://whatthebleep.com), you may remember the line one of the physicists made - "we CREATE our day".

Days are a measure of time, 24 hours. The value placed on the days of our lives are placed by us, by our perspective.

So, what's your perspective?

K-

What's Right With You?

During my elementary and middle school years, I vividly remember hearing "What's wrong with you?" No, it wasn't always me being asked that. It seemed that whenever a person didn't respond/act/say/look in a manner appealing to the questioner, the inquisition began.

I never had someone ask me "What's right with you?"

Is it any wonder that our society is governed from a deficits-based perspective? Clients can rattle of a litany of disorders, problems, symptoms but peer back at me, speechless when I've asked simple questions like, "What are your talents?" "What do you like to do for fun?"

A favorite question of mine is from a friend/colleague that I trained with over twelve years ago - Nan Henderson (check out www.resiliency.com for some of her work).

At my initial training, Nan asked the participants, "What do you do better than 10,000 other people?" The question assumes that you do in fact do something better than 10,000 other people. Considering our global population approaches seven billion, the odds are in your favor that this is in fact true.

This question challenges us to acknowledge our talents, skills, gifts - things that make us special, even extraordinary although we (or others) may see ourselves as rather ordinary or even sub-ordinary.

What I find most interesting about this exercise is that the things I consider my own "attributes, strengths and talents" are the same things that others interpret as "flaws and deficits".  My use of humor and levity during difficult times is a skill that's kept me resilient. Others have interpreted this as insensitivity or an incapability of taking things seriously.

I invite you to ask yourself, "What's right with you?"

The list you assemble will come in handy at times when you think, act or feel like you're not able to stay above the fray.

Thanks for letting me share.
Kirk

new blog, new opportunity!

Hello folks!

This is my second attempt at blogging. The first one, back in October of 2008 was, admittedly, rather weak. I only lasted about four posts, and then fizzled out.

This time, I feel empowered! I hope you enjoy reading and sharing.

Why did I entitle my blog spot, "Staying Above the Fray!" ?

First, I believe that it's important to maintain focus on what you truly want to accomplish, and the title implies that if you keep attention on the goal, instead of the distractions, you will be better served.

Second, and more importantly, I see myself as a cheerleader of sorts - helping myself and others to maintain discipline, gratitude and positivity in very uncertain times. The "Fray" could be finances, employment woes, shattered relationships, unmet expectations... you name it. It is incredibly EASY to fall below the fray and let the negativity take control.

This blog will confront various subjects, and I will endeavor to keep an "above the fray" perspective.

This is how I work on myself, and how I work with others. I truly believe that when we align our thoughts, emotions and behaviors our lives unfold favorably, and that the human spirit is incredibly resilient and strong.

I want this place to be one of hope, excitement and possibility.

Since you've taken time out of your life to inquire, I hope that you will share when you wish, and let others know of this quaint resource tucked away in the far recesses of cyberspace.

I am inspired and excited to begin.

Until next time, best wishes and may you always find what you seek.

Kirk